Laurie Ann Levin | Laurie Levin

WELCOME!!

This site was developed as a collaborative destination to encourage conversation, discussion, and sharing. I am hoping that you will find within these posts and pages provocative ideas and research that will prompt you to share your own thoughts. Please join us today to share your story and to view my personal papers including my dissertation and a patent pending technique to starting a new endeavor. You’ll find that category on the right as you scroll down. Enjoy the journey!

As a Doctor of Cclinical Psychology, my practice is framed by my fundamental belief in life after life and helping people get in touch with their highest self which is connected to all other souls, past and present. I call this Soul Communion™.

Share | January 25, 2010 | Send this to a friend | 2 comments

Get a Life, Get a Spiritual Life!

All of the turmoil of the times and the debilitating economic distress play havoc with our psyche. Not only are we dealing with real stressors, below the surface the new trauma serves to also re-ignite old traumas, betrayals, rejections and terrors of deficit, which were never fully resolved into adulthood. Now, more than ever, we need those tools which perhaps were never taught or sought. Our reactions, our feelings place us in a zone of overwhelm. In addition, we may be a caregiver for others who are suffering, and, in fact, just being around those who are enduring hardships and difficulty makes us a potential bystander for vicarious intensity. In light of all this, why has there been a downturn in psychological help?

The economy seems to be a major culprit. Dr. Ronald Hunsicker, President of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers, has indicated that “the self pay market is much softer than most of us realized; about 60% of what we thought was self pay, was really credit. People were paying for treatment on credit cards, lines of credit and second mortgages. Demand is not down, but the ability to pay is down.” Jane Eiger Mintz, national interventionist officed in Ohio, took an informal poll of associates, psychiatrists, psychologists, adjunct practitioners, and treatments centers across the nation, and found that uniformly they were experiencing about a 30% to 50% drop in their private practices and at their centers. Marcus Leaver, CEO of Sterling Publishing,a subsidiary of Barnes and Noble, has put this in context by noting that despite the downturn in general book sales, the “self-help market is surprisingly healthy, people are still hungry for knowledge.” Certainly, a book, at any price, is much more modest than psychotherapy treatment.

So, for those hungry for transformation, here are some hints to get started using only your wits and your heart.

When the trajectory of your days feels all consuming and overwhelming, stop in your tracks, breathe deeply and ask “how can I transmute the dark internal states, perseveration of thoughts and emotions, getting the best of me into acceptance and light?”

If your first answer is from blame, if-only-the-other-person hadn’t…, or from denial, when-will-this-go-away, stop the invasion of those thoughts, exhale, slow your breathing and ask again “how can I transmute the dark to light?” This is about you, what you can control, what you can do for yourself, what you can be. Blame means the other person is out of your control, and if they are “after” you or “judging” you, this is more about what they would do if they were in your shoes, which is still about them not you. And denial is usually a half-hearted evasion from confronting your demons.

You can prevail over the dark and difficult internal states by DEMANDING to be surrounded by the light of acceptance and trust. You can demand out loud or by silent invocation, whatever works for you, to be in a place of love and light. You can be anywhere and at any time to pause, breathe, demand and wait. In the pause, you will feel a shift and enjoy being practical and spiritual at the same time. It is the implicit aggression of the word DEMAND, which I call DEMANDMENTS™, that can get us through the normal states of fight, flight or freeze. If we simply wish, wonder, or intend, we will be caught on the treadmill of just wanting, needing or longing rather than attaining our goal of peace and calm. The whole secret of “intention” gives false hope, since it is always in the future. If we demand, we are ready to receive right now. The signs, however, may be subtle at first…listen for cues or be open to unexpected sources. You may have a body knowing, a gut feeling, a waft of energy; and then be on the lookout for resonance from a lyric, a dream, a photograph, etc.

In the act of demanding, you are actually open to the light that illuminates your being, that inspires your outlook, and enables you to predominate in “positive” expression. Dark feelings, dark forebodings bring on contraction, defensiveness, panic and defiance, with “negative” expression and paralyzing dread. Slowing your breathing and listening for internal cues lights up your parietal lobe putting your being into a higher state of consciousness.

Now explore what is coming forward. How are you feeling? If negativity still is coming forth, self-talk. Tell your heart, your gut, your emotional centers that you have learned a great deal from them. Assure yourself that you will never un know what you already know, but that you are ready for an expansion beyond your patterns for more understanding.

Transmuting the dark to light may seem both simple and daunting, yet since it is in our control, it is ours for the asking. We need not depend on others or any external intervention. DEMANDING, like any muscle, is strengthened by continuous use and practice so that over time it becomes effortless and natural. When money, time and resources are at an all-time low, maximize your highest self as your greatest re-source.

Dr. Laurie Ann Levin is a licensed clinical psychologist, founder and CEO of a medical, psychiatric and transformational institute called Moonview Sanctuary in Santa Monica CA. Dr. Levin’s work in life after life has introduced a new, spiritual psychology called SOUL COMMUNION™, in which DEMANDMENTS™ are an integral foundation. For more information visit www.moonviewsanctuary.com .

Press | August 26, 2010 | Send this to a friend | No comment

All is on course and feel into everything as there is great reward in going deeper and more subterranean when we can. Each moment is filled with greater splendor when one can go deeply beneath the open and overt. Dig within the borders of acceptance and allow – dive head first into the waters of UN – DER – STANDING. Aha, the oxymoron of UNDER + STAND – as an epiphany of light: as we are neither UNDER nor OVER as we STAND in the knowing of all that was, is and ever will be. God is the union of all in all and of greater blessing than previously excited. Now there are many afoot, believe in all that is and love holy, wholly!

Laurie Ann Levin, Psy.D.

Channeled 8/7/10 11:18pm LA

Inspiration | August 23, 2010 | Send this to a friend | No comment

TERMINAL LIVING IN A PERPETUAL STATE OF PASSION a.k.a DIVORCE AND OTHER SEVERE FORMS OF PSYCHO SOCIAL STRESS

Dear Ones,

I have wondered for many years whether it would be helpful to share the intimate and emotionally charged poetry I wrote that in so many ways saw me through my own divorce. These were times of deep stress but also periods of new understanding that growth awaits those who have been stripped of most of the convenient props of their identity. From the inside out, I experienced an openness to a new truth…that I was about to have a more fulfilling life with renewed strength and purpose.

For those of you now walking down this path of apparent emotional separation and upheaval, perhaps within these poems you will find the inspiring reality that deep down to your core you know that this temporal pain provides the seed bed for new growth and a richer life.

Love and light,

Dr. Laurie Ann Levin

=============================================================================

Dedicated to Jessica and Aaron

=============================================================================

1

Let’s carve the kids

dole their attentions

parcel their affections

make and set times…

Let’s carve the kids

and fool yourself

into believing —

we’ve made them happier

with all they’ll find.

Let’s tell them tales

of when they were younger

when they were babies

and not include each other.

Let’s share the days events

with housekeepers

let them revel in silences

that have us all reeling

in the loneliness of borders and lines.

=================================

2

You speak in such positives

all about a negative

talking about addition

when it’s really subtraction

Tell me how it will all turn out

I’m awfully bad at math

I need you now

not need you more later

how can regress mean surpass

=================================

3

Divorce is forced

in too quick a corner

Let’s linger at leaving

and not make it sooner

so we can repair all the guilt

Let’s feel like we tried

to make a good show

Let’s try to believe

that we might have known

All along it was ending

=================================

4

Yoyo Ya Ya

Boomeranged Ha Ha

can’t quite get it straight

nothing’s certain as of late

Can’t decide whether I’m in or out

can’t get a grip on what it’s about

Yoyo Ya Ya

Boomeranged Ha Ha

is it ever stabilizing

what kind of love is legitimizing

Bargaining over what was the plan

how much pain can we both stand

nothing’s certain as of late

can’t quite get it all straight

Why should I feel so spent

nothing seems to make a dent

Don’t’ know if we’re in or out

can’t quite get a grip on what it’s all about

I don’t want to live or die

just want to know truth from lie

can’t it ever be somewhat certain

what the hell is in there lurking

ready to hit me in the head

Boomeranged all that we’ve said

til we all get beaten dead

=================================

5

“I definitely want to separate

I’m moving toward divorce”

Smiling, ironically holding

elation back with force –

I’m clearer than I’ve ever been

just why it can’t all be

eleven years built up and

leveled in seconds by me

So now your monosyllabic

anger oozes your every pore

no empathy or even civility

or even the fighting of before

A new dimension to the score

cold chills in mid-August

now no place to rest

all riddled up in deep, deep disgust

=================================

6

Eleven years our root systems grew

intertwined, spliced to each other

Now it’s being hacked apart

pain is so great can’t seem to start

and get up in the morning

or sleep or eat

I’m gutted and cored and

nervous and weak

High spikes of emotion

Low drops to the deep

what is it that I’ll eventually reap

Will the roots have their own strength

will they take in other soil

can I recuperate and love again

can I ever erase again

all the fibers of you I know

through my system where they grow

=================================

7

Oh God give me strength

to do it all right

and say all the things

each one needs to hear

to stand up to the words

everyone needs to say

to help fix it or mend it

or make it all go away

Oh God give me strength

to find another

who feels like home and

lets me be me

and trusts and lusts over simplicity

Where the world is away

and the outside is just that

and everything is full and round

and nothing goes flat

Where words are miracles

because they’re shared by two

and life has meaning

because I found who?

=================================

8

Chair to bed

we faced each other

and spoke of the future

without the other

We’ve reached a deadly

cul-de-sac

Where now there is no looking back

Naked, exposed, tearful goodbyes

wishing somehow, it were a lie

we’re off to new lives that are

separate and lone

our only connective tissue is the phone

of wired messages of children’s lives

Isn’t it great we’ve finally arrived

to face just what we’ve done

=================================

9

In the small hours of the morning

When everything’s quiet and dark

I think of the changes of time

Where emptiness has made a mark

My body isn’t responsive

like the way it used to be

My fantasy’s aren’t vivid

like the way they used to be

My face isn’t carefree

like the way it used to be

But in the small hours of the morning

When I lie in my big, empty bed

I know the pervasive knowledge is truth

and how right for a part of me is to be dead

=================================

10

If you should ever see a woman in black

She may not be looking back

She just maybe inside her head

feeing lost and partly dead

She may have recently separated

with no real desire for reparated

feelings of love, feelings of two

She just maybe meeting another who

is wearing black and darkened too

by her loss’s and what to do

The women in black they stick together

hoping their pain won’t last forever

=================================

11

There’s not been a greater pain

than feeling now I am insane

I’ve used up all my hope

I feel ugly, empty and swollen

I have no firm understanding

I feel confused and bruised

I hate my life I hate everyone

I need support but not one comes

I can’t look at anyone in the eye

or concentrate through the lies

I’m on the operating table

I’m open and bleeding profusely

there’s no one to sew it up

I lie there half amused

My pain is so all consuming

I stutter and heave – I

I need to be held

please someone come please

=================================

12

While not distracted by a relationship

my demons dance about

and remind me how needy, lustful and consuming

all the dwelling, replays and fantasies

are when the scream and shout

While not distracted by a relationship

my demons dance about

jigging over my memory

sashaying on top of my failure

frolicking and turning over the

churning cauldrons of what hell

can be about

Jack was smack

Larry methadone

now I’m drug free

looking for less controlling, less critical men

while my demons dance about

=================================

13

Passion is not intimacy

you’d think that were easy to discern

passion is not intimacy

was difficult for me to learn

Finding it was easy to face the unknown

without parachute or anxiety

can be lessons on liberty and receiving

The paradox is the more risk you take

the more secure you feel

Life gives us lessons to learn

over and over until we get it right

Passion is not intimacy

you’d think that were easy to discern

passion is not intimacy

was difficult for me to learn

=================================

14

Time is not linear

we have preparations of future

that seems like they’re past

Flipped perception of sequence

as important moments past

were antecedents to the future

Because future was known

in some elastic way

only to become evident

when it was after all past

Déjà vu is a flash of past or future

a chill of reality that time is of no measure

Properly perceived

emotional recognitions avail themselves

when one is finally prepared to accept

its full dimension and register the profundity

Pools of creative conscience

activate all moments of

sequences of

dimensions of

time.

=================================

15

I don’t believe in God as we know it

I believe in every action has an equal

and opposite reaction

and symbiotic

I believe in Karma and energy

I believe in looking for the good

understanding the pain

and synergy

I believe that there’s a time and place

where everyone’s supposed to be

to seize it all

release it all

and help shape their destiny

I believe that when we were two

and built our lives — we were

meant to be together

But now it’s us for each alone

But we will be “us” forever

=================================

16

Dating sucks

no way to not hurt

everyone just can’t be satisfied

everyone has different agendas

everyone’s hoping theirs fits

and fantasies all the proper

dimensions

to weird perceptions build on untruths

I hate dating

everyone loses

I can’t stand anymore pain

There’s not a corner to hide

being alone feels too good

being with the wrong one can feel so right

until the expectations crumble

and what a fucking tumble

Dating sucks

=================================

17

Please be there for me when

I bare my soul

and tell you of my love

that’s been trapped and hidden

Please be there for me

to hear it all

and see it in my eyes

through the dimensions of where it’s been living

I needed to be whole

before I could give parts away

and tell you of my love

and have you know I was true

I see your face looking back at me

but can’t imagine what you’ll do

Just be there for me

when I bare my soul

and see it in my eyes

through to the dimensions of where it’s been living

=======================================

18

Constraint is rough

while I’m pregnant with you

Constraint is tough

in the face of all I do

When you dwell on old girlfriends

that did have resolve

and keep them open wounds

and mysteries not to be solved

You leave yourself closed and

married to your pain

You leave yourself knotted with little to gain

So constraint is needed for you to evolve

to where you’ll know what you want

you’ll know what you want

I wait for the call

that will bring to you me

I wait for it all

where you’ll finally see (me).

=================================

19

My babies are too young

to see the pain of all of life

They’re too young to know

and it will show

later in their life – when they

get married and settle in, and

have some misery – it’s all

too rough and gruff to let the

babies see

The pain is too great

it’s just too intense

the problems are insurmountable

the destruction immense

I can’t figure it out

I’m turned inside out

I’m beyond any anger

Beyond any hate

The pain is so great

The babies will survive he says

The babies will survive

They’ll go to school

and not be fooled

by half a home that waits

The babies will survive he says

The babies will survive

=================================

20

Don’t ever hate me

the children are half you

They have your blood

your spirit your fund

of just and fair and right

They have your will

your brilliance and still

they are half you

What half is mine is still you

it’s all just so complicated

The scars on my body are also you from them

from you from us

Don’t ever hate me

The children are

half you,

They’ll be our cement and our glue

of all the times that we knew

Don’t ever hate me

the children are half you

=================================

21

The veil of gloom and doom

no room for anyone else

it all so dense and so

immense

I can’t make sense

of life and love and home

I can’t make sense

of life and love and home

22

There’s no forgiveness in your heart

there never was right from the start

You kept a scorecard in bright blue

and never let me grow

and never saw my change

=================================

23

Happy graduation

from therapy and life

You work so hard

only to find the bedrock is only strife

The strife of life

that’s what it is

happiness is only fleeting

There is little joy so all of it

can somehow have more meaning

congratulations from all of us

it’s really fabulous

=================================

24

Let’s blame therapy

for all we now see

and feel and know

as truth

Let’s blame therapy for

making us imperfect fits

and changing all our thoughts

to ones of love and life renewed

(but not for each other)

=================================

25

You can’t shake your anger

You can’t release the wrongs

it’s not coming quick enough

somehow it’s all too long

I haven’t made the contact

the way I need to now

God, please give me strength

to wait til you know how

=================================

26

I don’t know what to say

It’s too hard to speak

I’m paralyzed and pressured

and feeling so weak

In the face of separating

I’m ridiculously tossed

from feeling and reeling

is it gain, is it loss?

How do I know what to say

It’s too hard to feel

That all that I think

May somehow be real

Where do I go to be strong

And to be…

When it’s so very lonely

Where do I go when I know

That it’s okay to be me

=================================

27

I’ve jumped through the gateway

no more walls of protection

But I’m lonely and lost

needing direction

Now I feel I’m able to finally get close

But there’s not a dose

of equal belief

From someone who’s fleeting

to get his relief

Is it me, is it him

I’m so awfully confused

is it in time I’ll not be abused

Will he want me in a

way that will meet his needs

or is it better for us

will we both be pleased

(in getting divorced)

=================================

28

The children’s laughter is a

song I need to hear

I love it so it helps me to forget

That growing up is so tough
it robs us of our tempo

We become way too set -

In our ways, in our place

smiles are so infrequent on adult’s face

The children’s laughter is a
Song I need to hear

To live is to learn all the horror
of tomorrow – it’s hard to be as
free, as the spirit can be

=================================

29

I hate you I despise you

I feel like your empty

I hate you I despise you

You’re numb to the core

You’ve got no center

You’ve go no nerve

You’ve got no backbone

You’re one big curve

Rounding down to the floor

To hurdle over

To jump over

To wrestle over

To lament over

You’re one big curve

Rounding down to the floor

=================================

30

I can’t sleep

I can’t eat

I can’t hold the volume down

in my brain

I’m riddled with guilt

and going insane

I think about the same things

over and over

Wanting more strength to get

me through

Wanting more and more

to feel it too

Cryptic mystic Bernadette,

Trying hard to forget,

all that came to forget,

her through the gateway

that’s intersect,

By pain and depth

and dimensions of belief

maybe somewhere there’s relief

=================================

31

“Men have guns”

As they babble on

“You picked the career and kids?”

As they babble on

“We’re here for both of you”

As they babble on

“Can’t you work through it?”
As they babble on

“When will you get better already?”

As they babble on

“How can this be for the best?”

As they babble on

“Take a sleeping pill to rest”

As they babble on

Everyone’s – trying to make

some sense – trying so hard

to not take sides

- trying so hard

to be there for us

As they babble on

=================================

32

What’s going to happen

What is the scheme

is it a nightmare or

is it a dream

Will all the work be undone

in a rash reaction

or can we hold it together

to each’s satisfaction

Will the children ever heal

Will they digest the dimension

And silently scream into the night

Wondering what was right

nothing ever will again fit

=================================

33

I want to die and

take the pain away

I want to cry and

wash the grief away

I want to heal and

be open to it all

Instead of being bruised and

cut from all the falls

=================================

34

Hugs and kisses mean so much

While I’m empty inside and feeling so dead

My mind is clear my body is weak

I’m traveling through moments

bent perceptions thru sleek

emotional vision of what has begun

Maybe we can both relate to

each independent of the one

Who’s out of sight but still inside

=================================

35

I left at 11:00 in a huff

just have had enough

can’t stop feeling like a package

too big and cumbersome to love

You were so there when I wasn’t

now you’re shy when I’m

trying to get close

You take every offer that

keeps you from me

you’re chronically “whipped”

and tired and flee

I can’t rest with you – it

feels way too loaded

with rejection and heartache

I want you in my

life – but not to rely

on the timing of us

=================================

36

Many months of pain

to get here now

I don’t have an answer

I don’t know how

to make any sense

of what is or what can be

I only know flow and

What will be shall be

There’s a part of me that

doesn’t know if I’ll ever love again

There’s a part of me that

doesn’t know how to stop worrying

I wonder if new connections

will be a way of life

or will there be rest in love

rest in love

=================================

37

The pain hasn’t stopped

the confusion isn’t less

I’m feeling and reeling

from a god-awful mess

I can’t see straight

I can’t think straight

I can’t feel good

can only feel weak

why is divorce so weird

why is divorce so wild

just a cold negotiation

reduces all to imbecile

terms of effort and anger

terms of horror and hate

didn’t think they were aftershocks

and convulsions so late

in the game

=================================

38

Just who are you

Why are you taken

Why do you look at me

Why do I look at you

Why is there major meltdown

Why is there no explanation

I connect with undefined energy

I connect with empathy

I am totally taken by you

And can’t understand why

I’m scared of you

=================================

39

Just when I thought is was safe

to tackle another day

along comes life and zaps

me on the head

knocks me for a loop

challenges me to scoop

myself up from the floor

up from the deeps

of depression and suffer another

major regression

I can’t help but laugh, I wear

black every day

I live at 33 1/3 and have sores

on my tongue for being a diver

and diving in deep into

nervous pools of lesions and regions

I’ve not yet traveled

I’m crazy – and on top

of all the mess, you’ll never guess

=================================

40

Why the fuck can’t I shake it

The pain is so pervasive

I can’t function and I’m weak

I wake at 4AM and think about

it all –

Can’t go to anyone for relief and

can’t be there for myself

I’ve drowned in hollow

pain – I’d spend all day

around home and think

and play out my fantasies

that are elliptical and

have no resolve

My time should be better spent

I’m difficult and smarting

I’m also loving and thankful

I can’t see clear to an end

God help me grow

and be witness to

my life without the

involvement of pain

=================================

41

At 1:18 spring came

And I was with you

I’d look in your face

and not know why

I sit through a one-way street

of my opened soul, and

appreciation of you in detail

with no return of energy

no return of heart

You don’t judge you don’t budge

Maybe there’ll be a day…

But for now you are your own

I can’t support the air

or get filled by anything

much less a few winks

over a pepper mill

Bye

=================================

42

Thank God for God

the short hairs on my arm stand on end

a cold chill covers my skin

pools of energy swirl my head

I feel ecstasy and know

that there is a beyond

Thank God for God

sending signals to the universe

getting answers thru the obtuse

finding lucky pennies

and ones who understand

that there is a beyond

What will come of our affair

It feels good to have you there

and have connection to you

waves of you ripple thru us

we all vibrate in ecstasy

of life and energy

and the pulse

rhythm and rhyme

of thanking God

for God

=================================

43

“Have to go back to work”

can’t take the intensity

simply a propensity

for easy, light and fun

“Have to go back to work”

easy exit lines of movement

without any undercurrent

of dealing with the one

Who opened up her softest spot

exposed her most vulnerable place

and when she stood naked

you had to go back to work

without an emotional trace

(of support)

=================================

44

God’s hand touched my shoulder

and prepared me for you

God’s imagery lit-up the dark

and prepared me for you

He showed me a face where a warm

smile waited

for me –

left me alone to heal

and woke me to the words

poked me to the words

when you spoke the words…

“keep smiling.”

=================================

45

Old shoes everywhere

nothing loved ever thrown

old shoes everywhere

May they all help you vault the wall

Shake loose from it all…

and find new life

where compromise isn’t a constant

and fantasies are true

Old shoes everywhere

because the borders of service and love

are still a bit confused

Old shoes everywhere

clean out the closet

make every moment count

because life is short

and love is a maximum dimension

and what you don’t get totally

someone else may wholly

- love

=================================

46

Blessed am I to have you around

to give me guidance

and nudge me to greatness

in spite of my self doubt

or fear of risk

Blessed am I to have you around

and leave a trail of signs

to signal all the harbingers

of growth

Blessed am I to never renounce

your presence in the face

of all my misunderstanding

of time, schedule or fate

=================================

47

I want to inhale your neck to delirium

I want to be by your side and forget all I’ve done

I want to slide on your skin, feel the beat of your heart

grab the hair behind your ear and whisper,

“Let’s never part”

Because the world is better when I can be

with you

And physical form keeps my soul too far

from you

Because we touch on a plane that

defies gravity

And I yearn for the miracle of just you

and only me

=================================

48

Your words are born from deep deep pain

profoundly felt through to your soul

I want to live near your mind

and breathe near a place where I’ve been told

you see the world in a different way

and register its meaning with enormous care

because you have seen another side

of darkest horror and deep despair
But in a most ironic way -

the pain gives birth to so much beauty
you linger long in liquid rhythms

as though it was a decided duty
to milk each moment of its meaning

and invest it back with all that could be

When you touch your lips before you speak

I want to be your hand -

to kiss your thoughts before they reach

…into being

====================================

49

Someday you won’t sneak around

my peripheral vision to give me

a kiss

You’ll commit to it fully

and want me totally

Someday your mind won’t deny

giving me inner sanctum phone

extensions

You’ll touch my face and take me to you

so we can rest

Someday you won’t touch my shoulders

from behind

amidst the many I felt so together

But you’ll be with me only and be with

me forever

We’ll face our feelings and ratify

our love with physical

knowledge that obliterates

any apology

=================================

50

I feel so duped by my dreams

so betrayed by my visions

of connecting and being loved by you

You can’t speak your paralytic

you can’t hear my pain

you wave me off by a flick of your wrist

and dismiss my support as

stepping on your lines

I hate myself for setting myself up

for rejection

I hate myself for being back at square

one

didn’t I learn anything from before

rejection rejection we’re through

I pick people that aren’t’ coming through

I need to be taken care of

I feel like such a schmuck

grabbing at hopes and visions

as saviors of pain

setting myself up for even more

than I wanted before

==================================================================
51

The more preoccupied one is with the future

The greater the recognition that the true

power rests in surrendering

You’ll land on your feet

And you’ll succeed

Release the anxiety

Release the need

Aha! but it starts with being so anxious that

you’re controlling and overly dwelling

Face the wall, face it all

You’ll land on your feet

and you’ll succeed

Release the anxiety

Release the need

Pull out the safety-net

Go for the jump – if you dare

=================================

53

Go sit over there

and hold your grudge

Separate yourself

tighten your posture

don’t even budge

It suits you

It’s your armor

It’s your face

to shout at the world

I’m tough I’m rough

I feel used and abused

Well educate yourself and see

there are ones who love you

and are making plans to protect you

Educate yourself

before you

go for round #2

I could go for half

I’m only taking one-sixth

but still that’s too much

when somehow you wish (it were never

happening at all)

I’m sorry. I do love you but can’t live

with you

=================================

54

It’s the count-down

for revelations and explanations

It’s the count-down

what will it ever be

The sexiest moments have been

miles from you, covered by you

with business discussions

that are hard to focus on

because I’m feeling the subtext

and pulled by the context

of what it would be like

how it should be when

if ever I can

get close…

to you

“Look up at me”

and I saw your green eyes

registered their color for the first time

I racked-focus into your soul

and smiled as I lifted my consciousness

to the first awareness – that it may be true

I just might really know – really know you

===================================

55

Twitches in my eye

repressed tears

sad goodbyes

on to new journeys

on to new roads

of cordial dealings and

polite decoding

of mastered plays

Hey -

Twitches in my eye

because I’m scared to death

of my fate and what to do

The radical trust comes into play

When finally I understand

Your spirit, will and way

The laws of the universe are

simple, it’s true

but sometimes knowing what to do

is filled with wait, filled with trust

must be one to relax, I must

=================================

56

I love your smile

but I don’t know you

I love your walk

but I don’t know you

I love your depth

but I don’t know you

You have such power

in your soft fluid way

you have such regality

without pretension or posture

But I don’t know you

and yet I love you

=================================

57

The 1^st day of May I called you

The 2^nd day of May I told you

The 3^rd day of May I went into

a depression

But interestingly enough not a

regression

I’m gonna be OK

I still believe you’re with me

I still believe you’ll come

I’m the wake up call

you never planned

You didn’t “do” anything

it just happened

I didn’t want the hug to end

I felt my body quiver with fear

I crossed my arms and crossed my legs

and hoped I’d somehow be protected

from falling deep into your smile

and melting into your pensive looks

The balance of poetry is right with us

When the ball cracks the bat

and the “home” is true

Before the ball ever takes flight

You know It’s right

You know it’s right

It’s a magical moment

when time is suspended

when life is extended

and all is true

So assess the depth

and take a deep breath

clutch your left breast

you know it’s right

Stand in your closet

making first decision of the day

see the sneakers that are loaded and shelved

Bases are loaded

Best to delve

into what there is to be gotten out of life

you know it’s right… you know it’s right

=================================

58

My meditations turned you off

my heart pushed you away

you never believed in my mind

and never let me stay

in the moments of symbolic love

in the rhymes of collective thoughts

each cigar was always a cigar

and it all invaded your taught

logic and pessimism

motors and mechanisms

to thrust it all forward

without any threat

My meditations turned you off

the bed began to reel

it insulted all rationale

and didn’t at all seem real

What strangers we became

what walls began to mount

You knew you’d lost me long ago

The days were more difficult to count

I was so deeply unhappy

I was so detached

there was no other reaction to evoke

but perhaps jealousy would hatch

me to recognition of where it was of where it use to be

Sorry I was so quick to grab

a chance to flee

grab a chance to flee

=============================================

59

While dotting the “i’s” and

crossing the “t’s”

I’m saying goodbye saying goodbye

It’s been a lifetime we grew to this

and you saw me through

miracles, many deliricle

times of children times of war

In the end, I know what for

we built a foundation of respect

it’s never ever wavered

(yeah but there’s nothing left to savor)

You continually push my buttons

it’s hard to relate without motive

I grab at little prickly words

you propel like bee-bee pellets

It’s over

we’re over

take over

over and out

=================================

60

If I could hold still

and slow down my breathing

to let you in and keep you there

I’d be blessed and

know the whole

know it all

I’m still jittery

and skittery

from ending a volume

of major pain

If I could hold still

and be of the moment

and rapture the silences

I’d be blessed and know the whole

know the whole

know it all

Soon

=================================

61

I’m about passion

I’m about love

not about politics

not about arithmetic

I’m abut passion

I’m about love

not about power

not about currency

I’m about passion

I’m about love

not about horror

not about hate

not about anger

not about irate

Global verbal spatial spiritual

Deeply personal

and unconditional love

=================================

62

Rhythm is rudimentary

to feeling rest and

Rhythm is rudimentary

To communicating

eating

sleeping

walking

and love

Rhythm is the foundation

of how it all does fit

Beats of unsyncopated

celebration

of two who

flow as one

=================================

63

Higher love is unconditional

shared but never given away

held strong in your breast

a rudder to stabilize rest

an open hand is unconditional

relaxed in strength

steady with calm

support

=================================

64

Saturday night I seduced you with words

and told you of times cemented true

I shared my love and gave it to you

Each day folds into night

Six hours isn’t enough

the comfort is fluid

it’s dreamlike and open

Your pain seeped into my soul

I massaged my love into your pores

and eased my body next to you

You felt it all and held it too

but conscious and guilty you

put bars up too

So I wait for the call

When you register clarity

register our rarity

=================================

65

Loss of memory

is a form of anesthetic

used as a protect

against all of life

control and detachment

to the exclusion of enactment

is the suppressant of emotion

against all of life

So hear the small voice

way down deep

feel it all

way down deep

look for the magic

right on the surface

be really there

‘cause it’s a circus

some of it’s ugly

some of it’s defying

some of it’s stupendous

it’s even worth dying

=================================

66

Most of my life is airborne

circling around waiting

for my mother’s ship –

but when I’m with you

I want to stay on earth

and be present

and deal with the

riddles of our

existence –

Everything is full

and round

nothing goes flat

the outside world

is just that –

Most of my life I circle around

briefly land in short,

concentrated visits

But with you I linger

and lock into your eyes

and never figure

out ways to go

ways to be rejected

I feel whole and happy

and lucky to have perfected

a sensation of place

a sensation of grounding

whether it last or it goes

I know can face

love

=================================

67

I’m in love with myself

it’s so hard to believe

that once I never knew

what it meant

For 36 years I felt so crippled

with insecurity impurity

that once I never knew

what it meant

To stand clear and erect

and know to your core you’re correct

that once I never knew

what it meant

So the primary lesson

of all of life

is to love yourself

all else is a corollary

all else is a tributary

so that at once you will know

what is meant

by living to the maximum
extending to the maximum

rising to the maximum

so life is lived and you know what it meant

=================================

68

You are mired in discontent

mired in compromise

You look tired and spent

You are your own demise

You continue in ad nauseam

to live out a joke

God give him strength

Just shake him and poke him

to seeing his potential

and feeling torrential

being whole and essential-ly

open to love

open to life

open to

open

You are mired in discontent

mired in compromise

You look tired and spent

You are your own demise

Give her all the respect and time

one never gave you

Give yourself all the lies to help

you get through

You anesthetize your brain

in the name of low stress

You expend little energy

Because you’re in a grand mess

of not having clarity

being riddled with charity

not realizing you’ll never be

wholly there

so don’t even dare

to feel you’re the one

to take care of the holes

You are mired in discontent

mired in compromise

You look tired and spent

You are your own demise

=================================

69

One foot’s always off the bed

Because she isn’t really dead

and emotions aren’t connected to the head

One foot’s always off the bed

Aha but the rest was committed

and had me ecstasy

Aha yes the rest was committed

and I saw what love could be

when two are fluid and blur

and see

Because that one foot was

off the bed

I couldn’t quite lose it all

my consciousness stayed too

in tact

I didn’t crawl the wall at all

But Aha I did know that love

was there

And felt that it would be awhile

for that major meltdown

of a smile

free of thoughts of guilt and pain

free to receive his emotional gains

=================================

70

The raged and contorted faces

that scream into the contradictions

of duality – that can’t tolerate

the ambiguity

That can’t co-exist with tests

and lessons and life

The raged and contorted faces

that cry into the black abyss

That summon up its grime

and mire and wire them

to fences of restraint and remorse

and repression for lives that can’t exist

The raged contorted faces of us

The raged contorted faces

who hold on to fantasies

keep them realities

that can never be – never be

that hold the dreams to ascension

expend all amounts of attention

only to be smacked with the realization

they can never be – never be

The raged and contorted faces

that scream into the night

alone at their marrow

wallowing in their sorrow

knowing no relief of tomorrow

The raged and contorted faces of us

The rage and contorted faces

that somehow feel at home in the pain

feel the familiarity of the horror

feel security with the fantasies

Because the perverse enjoyment

of the dark – Because in the lingering of the

night – we don’t register the reflection

never see our reflection

never comprehend the dimension

of the raged and contorted faces of us.

=================================

71

If you Pygmalion or God or Father

you control the result

know the outcome

If I a nurse a saint or a mother

I stand superior

assume interior

Understanding of all

preclude any option

of support and reciprocal comprehension

If you take care of me

or I take care of you

we cheat each other of mutuality:

the presence and essence

of love and depth

The balance of open and ready…

not vulnerable and weak and needy

and waif

not exposure left tipped

to an off kilter amount

that undermines romance, respect

and about…

arms around waist

shoulder to shoulder

we walk life together

living as two

all expression is new, unexpected and rich

For the extremes take us out of each other

If I obsessed on you or you obsessed on me

we’d check ourselves out and lose touch of our center

leave sight of our own and not remember

as if intoxicated on drug or dream or drink

we’d be in our mind – not feel – always think

The active participation of both in love

must open us to the vibrant, resonant

expression of two

The love I have for self

The love I have for you

open and ready

With no attachment

so anything that happens

gets full support

each’s strength is together

not dependent on the other

all great, is shared by two

not felt as loss by one

Man will never be woman

Woman will never be man

so let’s not try to control or expect or demand

let each’s part play up the full beauty

capture the full feel

Return the duty

to remember ourself

as if it is easy to try

remember ourself

and no longer deny

the fullness the richness the resonance

of two ––

who are whole like me

who are whole like you

=================================

72

I will not enroll you into the experience

I will not

No will will present itself

No will will assert

I will not enroll you into the experience

I will not

no will will address

no will will coerce

The love is your own

to discover to see

what seems so sufficient

may not be the best thing you need

So let yourself in for a new wonder

of way

glide into awareness and let me stay

there in your heart

there by your side

I’ll unzip you insulation

and be with you tonight

to call each anew

with newfound respect

no fight no expect

=================================

73